Memories

I received an e-mail from my brother Allen, and a flood of memories came back.  Some good, some bad.  My brothers, sister, and I had a tough life growing up in the Ed Luker family.  Our parents were alcoholics and our Dad had a very hot headed temperament with a heavy hand in beatings of my Mother, me and my siblings.  He did mellow out in his later years and quit drinking, but with our Mother it was a different story she died a horrible death of cirrhosis of the liver.  I didn't have much to do with my Mom and Dad once I was married and moved 400 miles away from them.  I really didn't want my children to be around that kind of environment. 

I took my kids to visit once in a while, and my kids did get to know their grand parents and have a few good memories of them.  I was the oldest child and was more like a mother figure to my little brothers.  In fact they cried when I got married and left home.  They were left to fend for themselves and survive any way they could.  My brother Allen and I are the only kids out of the family that didn't become alcoholics.  Thank Heavens for our religious beliefs.  Below is the e-mail that Allen sent that sparked these memories.

On 9/18/2010 8:17 PM,


From Allen Luker:

I awoke this morning to a newscast playing some Jimi Hendricks music and then a mention that this was the 40th Anniversary of his death. On this same day my mother died I was 15, I will spare you the details of her last night on this earth , but I remember it well. My sister Donna would have been about Miranda's Age. I went to school that morning and into Driver's Ed first period. Within a few minutes I was excused from class and told go to the office, where Cliff Newman our next door neighbor came to get me and take me home. That night to escape from the reality I went to a Santana Concert with my friends, the next day Donna came to town and had to have a talk with me. Blanche our other next door neighbor complained to Donna about my lack of respect for my mother.

For me I was always searching for normal, in a world of chaos and going to a Santana Concert was a way to shut a miserable world back then. I just wanted to remind my kids that they do have another Grand mother. I have to think that she has worked out what ever short comings she had in her life by now. I wish you could have known her when she was having one of her good days.

By the way my sister Donna has always been where I found normal, you guys a have great Aunt.


-------- Original Message --------

Subject: Re: Today 40 years ago

Date: Sat, 18 Sep 2010

From: Donna Merritt

To: allen.luker

Well, Allen you know how to bring tears to your sisters eyes. I really don't remember the talk we had, but I hope I didn't hurt you in any way. We all have ways of escaping the dark days of our lives, and music was always your way of escape. I remember you as a very young boy sitting by the radio with your ear close to the speaker listening to music. Music is your gift from God. This I am sure of as I am sitting here writing this to you.

I had no idea that it was the 40th anniversary of Mom's death. I just went through the 43rd anniversary of Larry's death. I devoted a post on my blog to him on the 29th of August, a day I will never forget. I don't know what my escape from this tragedy was, maybe a stupid mistake of a bad marriage to Bud. I tried to run from it, by moving to Grantsville, but there was no escape for me, only time to heal, and a lot of time it took. I still shed tears when talking about some of the very tender moments of seeing his spirit, which I did share a month or so ago in Relief Society.

I too hope and pray that Mom has made peace with her past demons. For some reason she has been on my mind lately, and maybe it was because of the anniversary of her death. I think I feel her around me sometimes, and maybe it is because she wants to know if I have forgiven her, and I have. I try and remember some of the good times with her and fortunately I have a few. Well, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Love you, Donna