Saturday, February 28, 2015

Bobby my Brother

This is one of my favorite pictures of my brother Bobby and me.  The top one is one of the many times Bobby came to visit us in Overton.  I had a close relationship with Bobby because he lived with us and finished his high school during this time.  Bobby was such a character, and there was always laughter when he was around.

I want to start with a trip to Salt Lake City.  Larry and I visited Bobby in Jail, it broke my heart to see him there.  We talked to some one in authority, and was told if we took Bobby to Nevada to live with us, they would release him.  So that is how Bobby ended up with us that year of 1966 and 67.  Bobby and Larry became really close and had many conversations about life, religion, goals etc.

I had a good friend who was a teacher and counselor at the Moapa Valley High School where Bobby was attending.  His name was Lynn Bowler, and he took Bobby under his wing.  He helped Bobby with his school work and Bobby was really studying and doing well in school.

I guess old habits catch up with us sometimes.  Bobby seemed to be interested in some flowers I had planted in the back yard.  I found out why later, he was growing pot in my flower garden.  I think he told me at a much later date.  I don't know if it produced anything?

One of the crazy things he did was to go over to the high school and catch a whole box of toads, and then bring them home and let them loose in my living room.  I never did know if we captured all of them.  I had a small organ and he loved to sit down and play it.  He would play a song for the kids, and I would hear them singing "Mr. Bee, Buzz, Buzz."  One day he told Sherry, my oldest daughter how to catch a bird.  You had to pour salt on it's tail and then you could catch it.  Sherry went outside and tried to do this.  She ended up frustrated and I think cried.  She remembers this to this day.

I will never forget the day of the bank robbery and Larry being killed.  Bobby was in my bedroom studying, when my friends came to my home to break the bad news.  August 29, 1967 will forever be etched in my memory.  I was ironing Larry's work shirts, and I told my friends to have a seat, that Larry would be coming home soon.  They told me to sit down, they had some bad news for me.  When they told me that Larry had been killed in a bank robbery, I went into shock and was rolling back and forth on our sectional.  Bobby came out with a look of horror on his face. I can still see that look on his face.  When he found out why I was screaming and rolling all over the sectional, he immediately ran out the door and ran all the way to the bank.  Of course it was taped off as a crime scene and Bobby could not get inside.  He had to see for himself if what he had heard was true.  After this Bobby returned to Salt Lake and not too long after he, he joined the Army.

I eventually moved back to Grantsville, and Bobby would come to see me.  Later he told me about his training.  He would be given a gun and he would hand it right back to whoever gave it to him. After a while, it was decided he should be a Medic, and this was his first introduction to the medical field, which led him to eventually becoming a nurse.  Mom died while he was in the service and Bobby was given some kind of a family emergency discharge.  The purpose was for him to be there to help Dad with the care of Kenny and Allen.

The day of Mom's funeral, Bobby,  Patty, Kenny, Allen, and I were sitting on the stairs of the Rose Park home.  Patty started on a rant and rave, and was yelling at me saying "I was the cause of Mom's death,"  Of course everyone was drinking including Patty.  I still to this day don't know why she would ever blame me for Mom's death?  Any way Bobby was very protective of me, and he poured his can of beer all over the top of Patty's head.  I decided I had enough of this family mess, and ended up flying home early.  Bobby took me to the airport.  I had moved 400 miles away, and I really didn't visit my family very much as I didn't want my kids around this kind of a mess.  Booze was the destroyer of my family, and I hated it with a passion.

The bottom picture is when Bobby took me to my 20th high school reunion.  Frank had to work, and couldn't go with me.  The dress I am wearing is one that Aunt Kay loaned me, and she helped me get ready for the occasion, makeup and all.  The reunion was held at some fancy hotel downtown Salt Lake and there came a time when a mike was passed around and everyone introduced themselves.  When it came to Bobby, he did his usual funny antics and had everyone in stitches. It was a fun night with my brother.

Some more funny memories of Bobby are:  On a visit to Overton, we went swimming and had the pool to ourselves as Sherry was a lifeguard.  Some how Bobby had a bike and he rode it off from the high diving board.  Another time involved shaving cream, all over all of our faces. Of course every time he came to see us, I can still see him sitting at my dining room table drawing his cartoon character pictures of all of us. When Bobby was a young boy, and I was a teenager, I would take my friends to drag State Street to meet boys and just have fun.  One time I was on my way to pick up my friends and up popped Bobby in the back seat of our 1951 Chevy. I can remember that he always had some kind of a job.  He would get up at the crack of dawn to fold newspapers on our living room floor, and then deliver them.  When I was working at the State Road Shops, he rode his bike  a long distance with a basket full of doughnuts to sell to me and co-workers.  He was an ambitious kid.  So many more memories, but too many to write.

On my last visit with Bobby in Salt Lake, he was living by Liberty Park and he was having a lot of pain in his ear, and jaw.  He apologized for calling me a hypochondriac. I never knew he had labeled me with this and it hurt.  I have had a lot of health issues over the years, and later after being diagnosed with Diabetes, a doctor told me I more than likely had a metabolic problem all of my life.  Any way we went for a ride during this visit to a place high on a mountain where we could over look the whole Sale Lake Valley.  I sensed something in Bobby I had never sensed before, depression.  I told him "Please don't do anything stupid like Chris, I couldn't stand losing you.!  Not too long after that Bobby took his life. I miss my brother and think of him often.  Some day I will get to see him again.

Friday, February 27, 2015

More Family Memories - Pictures

The above picture is a  younger picture of my Mom and Dad taken around the late 1940's
Lenna Aileen Scoggins Luker and Edward Brazil Luker

Bobby, Mom, Dad, Allen and Kenny I was married and living in Nevada when
this was taken.  I bought the dress that Mom is wearing and the necklace
and sent it to her for Mother's Day probably around 1965

I took this picture of my Mom and Dad with my Brownie Camera
taken on the back patio of our Rose Park home sometime in the 1950's I think
I was around 11 or 12 so maybe 1953 
I can remember when we moved into our new Rose Park home.  I loved it because it was so big compared to the duplex we had lived in.  I always wanted a home with an upstairs bedroom.  The top floor was unfinished so Patty and I slept in a bedroom on the main floor. I can't remember where Bobby slept.  He was still a baby, so maybe he slept in a crib in Mom and Dad's bedroom.

One 4th of July Patty and I were playing with sparklers and there was a garbage can burning, where we lite our sparklers.  Patty was lighting her sparkler and some how caught her dress on fire.  It was horrible, as she did the worse thing you can do and that is run.  Finally Mom caught her and put the fire out.  Patty was burned pretty bad and I am sure still has the scar from the burn.  I couldn't understand why Mom and Dad didn't take her to the doctor.  I guess in those days we weren't taken to the doctor like now.  I remember going into the bedroom where my sister was and  I felt so bad for her.  She had to be in a lot of pain as the burn on her stomach looked really bad. Patty's birthday is on the 5th of July and this had to be the worst birthday ever for her.

Finally, Dad had our upstairs finished, and Uncle Mike Luker was the one who did it.  Some kind of a big disagreement happened between Dad and Uncle Mike and they didn't speak for a long time.  I think my cousin Jimmy Provost finished the project.  Not sure about this but I seem to remember Jimmy being there and doing the work.  Patty and I had a huge bedroom, and then there was a smaller one, and a bathroom on the other end. At first Patty and I shared a bed.  I hated this as Patty had some kind of a kidney or bladder problem and would wet the bed.  It never failed, she would be on my side of the bed when this happened and I would be the one to get up and have to change, my PJ's etc.  After this happened way too many times, I remember one time, I started to hit her and woke her up.  I was just tired of the whole mess.  Finally Dad bought another bed and Patty and I had our own beds.  This was so much better for me to have my own space.

Allen, and Kenny were born while living in this home.  I would get up in the night and go downstairs to Mom's bedroom and help her take care of them.  I loved my baby brothers and I didn't realize it but  I became like a second Mom to them.  I will never forget when Larry and I got Married, my brothers cried as they thought they would never see me again.  I remember telling them that I would be close by as we rented Aunt Mary's little home a few blocks away.  We had the upstairs and Jean, Aunt Mary's daughter, had a basement apartment.

When I was going to West High, I had to leave the house earlier than Patty.  So she would wait until I was gone and then raid my closet and wear my clothes.  I had bought most of my clothes with my baby sitting money.  The clothes back then had to ironed and Mom had me do the ironing of my own clothes.  One morning I went to my closet to chose my favorite a black dress that I knew I had ironed and was ready to wear.  Much to my disappointment, it was wrinkled, and had been torn in one of the seam lines.  Needless to say, I knew what had happened, and I am sure I got into it with Patty.  Even though I was the oldest, I was the smallest.  Patty was a lot taller, had bigger boobs, etc.  So my clothes really didn't fit her.  I was around 5'5" and Patty was around 5'8" or 9" not sure.  Mom was taller than me too.  I guess I was the runt of the family.  Every time Patty calls me, she brings up the black dress episode and apologizes.

Another bad memory is that I was a late bloomer, and I had one of my first dates when I was a Jr. or Sr.  I think his name was Glen and when he came to pick me up, I was upstairs getting ready.  Patty was downstairs in the living room where he was waiting for me.  She blurted out to Glen that I had to take laxatives and I don't know what else she said.  I wanted to bury myself someplace, and was never so embarrassed.  I overheard this as I was coming down the stairs.  I somehow hoped he hadn't heard the remark. We went on our date and he never asked me out again.  I blamed Patty for this.  It is good that Glen was there when this happened as I would have beat the crap out of her. You have to realize that I was so shy to the point of being painful.  I was told by one of my close friends that when I was around boys, If  I would just act like I did around them, I would have all kinds of dates. I was a crack up and would always make my friends laugh.

I used to love to roller skate and my friends and I would go once a week to the roller skating ring on State Street.  It was a good place to meet boys.  I met this really good looking boy, and we ended up going on a date.  I found out he was much younger than me.  So he ended up dating Patty, and I was introduced to his brother, who was in the service.  I ended up meeting Larry around this time, and that is who I ended up marrying.  I don't know what happened between Patty and the good looking guy, but I do know he was very upset with me for hurting his brother who was wanting to marry me and have me go to North Carolina where he was stationed. He was saving money for this. Sometimes I think things work out the way they are supposed to.

I will never forget one time when my Dad was mad at Patty for something, and he said to her "Why can't you be more like your sister Donna and have some common sense."  I overheard this, and I hated it that Dad was comparing Patty and me, I feel it caused a big problem between us.  Patty always says that she was Dad's favorite, but I don't think that was the case.  Maybe it is good that she felt that way.  After this happened Patty came upstairs to our bedroom and I hugged her and said.  "Don't feel bad, Dad didn't mean it."  I don't know what else I said, but I did try to console her.  There is three and a half years difference in Patty's and my age so we weren't really close, and we had a lot of conflict because we were so different.  Even the West High teachers who knew me, couldn't believe Patty was my sister because we had such opposite personalities.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Family Memories

I have decided to post some old pictures of my family and tell some stories of the past.  I have been doing this on facebook, but decided to do it on my blog instead.  Some of my family members were enjoying the pictures and stories as most of my nieces and nephews didn't get to meet my Mom and want to know more about her.

These are some really old photos of Mom and Aunt Kay taken in front of our duplex in Salt Lake City, UT. I think it was on 5th North.  The duplex is no longer there and there is an overpass on that street now.  The top photo is of Mom holding Bobby, and Aunt Kay holding Chris.  The sad story about Bobby and Chris is, that as adults, they both took their own lives.  Chris several years before Bobby.  Uncle Gene would bring Aunt Kay in from Knowls, UT, where he was running a garage.  I loved those times when Aunt Kay would come and stay for several days.

The Bottom picture is all of us kids.  Penny, me, Patty, and Bobby and Chris. The picture has to be in the early 1950's.  I remember the duplex well, (they called it a shot gun cabin, as it was a straight shot from front to back.) it had a living room in the front, then a bedroom, a hallway with a bathroom, and then the kitchen.  There was a closet in the bedroom and there was a roll away bed in it for us kids, I imagine there was a a crib for Bobby.  We all slept in the same room.  My favorite memory is on the nights my Dad was on his over night runs on the U.P. Railroad, I would get to sleep with Mom and we would listen to the radio programs.  "The Shadow Knows" and the "Creepy Door," and others. No TV in those days.

I can also remember begging my Mom to go to Wasatch Springs a natural hot springs swimming pool not too far from our home.  She finally caved in and let me go.  Then I got really sick with a bad earache. I thought I was being punished for begging my Mom. I was so afraid my Dad would get mad at me for begging my Mom to go swimming, So I tried to fake not being sick.  He noticed immediately when he came home the next day.  To my surprise, he was very sympathetic. I just remember being really sick.  Probably had an ear infection.

I also remember having Measles and there was a quarantine sign on our front door.  Mom had to have our groceries delivered.  I remember the shades be drawn closed and being in a dark bedroom, because Mom was afraid of me going blind as that was one of the side effects.  I do remember being afraid and being really sick.

Another fun memory is playing hide and seek in the house and I decided to hide in a flour bin.  It was a pull out bin, a part of the cupboards.  I got flour all over the place.  Needless to say, I got in big trouble with Mom.  This is the home where Mom played hopscotch, and  jump rope with me.  Mom helped me learn how to roller skate, which I about gave up on because I fell so many times.  Once I got the hang of it, I remember skating around the big city block several times. I remember walking to the drug store several blocks away and buying comic books.

Back in those days we played outside most of the day, and I can remember Mom calling me in to eat dinner. Or just to check on me. One day, I got in trouble and Mom made me go out and pick out my own switch so she could spank me.  Maybe a good old Southern way of discipline. On my way to elementary school, I would see the West High School kids walking to school, and I wished  that I could be that age.  Back then time seemed to go by slowly.  That time came and I remembered the day I made that wish.

One more memory, is when Patty disappeared and we frantically looked all over the area for her. It was a pretty dramatic experience for all of us.  I don't know who found her, but I think it was me.  She was sound asleep behind our couch.
During the years that we lived in the Duplex, My Aunt Linda and Uncle Dick moved into a home not too far from us and we would visit back and forth.  Michael, my cousin was a year or so younger than me, and we would play together quite often.  Their home was close to Wasatch Springs.  Eventually, Dad bought our new home in Rose Park. I think he rented out the duplex, and then sold them.  Not really sure about this. So our adventure in Rose Park began.  

Friday, November 14, 2014

Feeling a little picked on!!

I just popped in to look at my blog.  I can't believe that the last time I posted was for my son's birthday last May.  I think that Facebook has taken over my blog.  Even though I don't post that much.  I mostly just like to look and make comments.  It is a good way to keep up with my friends and family.

Now you may be wondering why I am feeling picked on?  Well it started out with the breast cancer scare and biopsy.  I was elated that the results were good.  Even though I am still be watched by my doctor.  So then I went to my Dermatologist for my six month exam, and he had to remove a Basil Cell cancer off from the side of my nose.  It left an ugly hole, that is supposed to fill in.  It still looks red and I can't see it filling in yet, but on the upside of things, It matches the scars on the other side of my nose where I had to have surgery several years ago to remove some more skin cancer. Had to make something positive out of it, or I would cry.

Well the story doesn't end there, like I said it has been a tough year. I have had a constant pain in my left side of my stomach and radiated to my back. I had a CT scan a couple of years ago and diverticulitis was blamed for the pain. About five years ago I had a Pelvic Mesh operation, and I couldn't help but wonder if the mesh advertisement, I was seeing on TV, was the cause of my pain. I had asked my doctor about the TV advertisement and he said he didn't used the kind of mesh that was causing the problems.  So I decided the pain I was having was indeed diverticulitis.

I continued to have the pain especially after I had a colonoscopy.  I called the surgeon who did my colonoscopy, and told him I was having some server pain on my left side.  He put me on an antibiotic thinking I had a flare up of diverticulitis.  The pain still continued off and on for several months.  Finally, I went in to my OBGYN for my yearly checkup, and told him of the pain I was having and was wondering if my bladder was the problem.  He checked me out and and after a painful pelvic exam, he told me he found a nodule on my left side, and when he touched it, I about took him and me to the ceiling with the pain it caused. I cried "That is the pain I have been having!" He had me come back the following day to have a ultra sound test, and some other test that caused me a great deal of pain.  The pain lasted several days.  I received a phone call from the receptionist that I needed to come in for a consult for my options.

I went in for the appointment, and my doctor said the mesh had fallen and there was no option other than surgery.  He had already talked to a Urogynecologist and he was told to have me make an appointment with him.  Long story short, it was another month of having tests before a surgery date was set up. In the mean time the pain was getting more severe. I was operated on September 5th, and was in the hospital two days and a night.  Since we live 70 miles away from the hospital, the doctor didn't want me to travel, that soon after surgery.

After surgery the he pain continued on my left side and when I went in to my doctor, I told him.  He said he may have had to tug a little more on that side.  Also the mesh had been laying against my colon and I am sure was causing irritation to my colon.  Finally after four weeks the pain subsided, and I was elated to be without pain.  I sat on our fifth wheel travel trailer steps listening to music and feeling like Fall was finally coming as it was a cooler day. I was thinking to myself finally no pain! now maybe I can enjoy life again.  Then a week or so later, I started feeling like I was having some gum pain issues on the right side of my mouth, both upper and lower.  So I called my dentist and went to see if there was something he could do about it.  I can still see the look on my dentist face after he looked at my teeth and gums.  I touched his arm and said "Go ahead, join the list of all the other doctors I have seen lately, give me the bad news."  I thought he was going to tell me I would have to have my teeth pulled.  Instead he gave me the diagnosis of Trigeminal Neuralgia.  I had never heard of this, but I am experiencing it.  It makes me feel like I have abscessed teeth on my upper and lower back teeth on my right side.  It comes and goes, and lasts several minutes. My dentist told me I needed to go to a Neurologist.

I made an appointment with my regular doctor to have him refer me to a Nurologist.  He put me on an antiseizure medicine, and after a few days of taking it, I got so dizzy that I was afraid of falling down and breaking a leg, hip, arm, etc.  I quit taking the medicine.  I am waiting to get a CT-scan to make sure a tumor isn't causing the problem.  I have been reading on the internet about this malady, and it is scary as it is so painful and not too many treatments available.  So Yes!!!! I am feeling a little picked on.  All I can say at this point is "Old Age Sucks"!!!!!! I know there are things that are far worse than this, but I am the one going through this now, and I was hoping to travel more and enjoy my husband's retirement years with him.  Unfortunately, his back is so bad now, he is in the same boat as me.  I told him we need to put a new name plaque out that reads "The Pain House"  Maybe it should say "Enter at your own risk." Pain makes you cranky. So we are staying home more now, except for our outings to the doctors.  I know I need an attitude adjustment, but I need some more time to learn how to deal with this.


I just added the above post today even thought I wrote it a few weeks ago.  I had the CT Scan and there was no tumor which was good news.  The pain has subsided and I hope it goes away forever, but there is a chance of it coming back.  I am really trying to be more positive about life and keep telling myself to try and fine the good in life, like my G.granddaughter lighting up my life.  When she comes to visit I find myself smiling more often.  After all family is what makes life worth living.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Happy 50th Birthday to my youngest son - Garen

Garen Van Staley was born on May 29, 1964 around 8 AM at the Holy Cross Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Larry and I were all most ready to move into our new home, in Grantsville, Utah.  Larry was painting the inside of the house, and we were having a friend Dee Hubrich put the flooring in.  I had been watching Dee lay the floor and was packing Bret around as he hadn't leaned to walk yet.  I swear that is what caused me to go into labor, packing Bret around.  I went to bed that night and was dreaming about the new flooring in our home.  I was rolling around in pain all over that new floor.  Then suddenly I woke up and sure enough I was in labor.  I started to cry as it was almost a month earlier than I was supposed to have Garen.  I guess I wasn't emotionally ready for the pain I was going to go through.  I remember Larry telling me that I should be happy to get it over with. Even though Garen came early, he still weighed over 8 lbs.  So it is good I had him early.

When I went into labor it was the bearing down pain, so we had to rush and get me to the hospital.  Larry called our neighbor and had their daughter come over to stay with Sherry and Bret.  This was around 3AM in the morning.  I had Bret and Sherry around 8 PM so this was different.  We raced to Salt Lake City around a 45 minute drive.  My doctor was waiting for me as he knew that I delivered fast. When Garen was born, Dr. Latteier said "It's a boy and he looks just like his Dad."  That was because Garen had a receding hair line.  I thought all of our kids looked like their Dad.

I know Garen is an unusual name and this is how we picked that name.  Larry and I had some very special friends in Grantsville.  They were our neighbors and we ended up doing a lot of things together. Their names were Sharon and Gary.  A lot of times when we would say their names, for some reason we would run the names together.  Like Sharon and Garen.  So we decided to name Garen after them.  Larry always wanted to give the kids a name that couldn't be turned into a nickname. Larry, Garen's oldest son named his first son Garen.

Garen was my baby, and I spoiled him rotten.  Larry warned me about spoiling him, but I loved to rock my babies, and I couldn't stand to let them cry.  Garen had a bad temper and when he didn't get his way, he would throw his head back and scream.  One time we were visiting his Grandma and Grandpa Staley, and Garen had a screaming fit and threw his head back and hit me in the chin. It really hurt me and I picked him up and shook him a little and said, "I can't stand you, you little brat."  Well Grandma didn't like this and when we got home, I found out that Grandma had called Larry and told him about the incident.  I was under a lot of stress having had three children really close together, moving twice and the last move from Grantsville to Las Vegas, leaving behind my best friend Sharon. After Larry and I talked about it he understood.  Also the reason we were in Salt Lake was to go to our old doctors as we were all sick.  We found out later we had picked up a bug from raw milk.

Garen  had a tough time being picked on by his siblings and as they would be playing in another room, I would hear him screaming.  I would run into the room, and the screaming had stopped abruptly.  He would look pale and limp, it scared me.  Finally one day I caught him as he passed out.  He would hold his breath and pass out for a second or two. It scared me, but I learned to run him to the sink and sprinkle some water on his face and it would stop him.  To this day, he still has a bad temper.

Not sure how old I think around 6
When Garen was around three, he was out in our backyard with Sherry and Bret.  I had the spirit tell me that I had better go out side and check on him.  I went out just in time to see Garen get burned with a piece of plastic.  We used to burn our garbage and for some reason Garen had a fascination with fire that went on for several years. Garen had stepped on a piece of plastic that had fallen on the ground.  He burned his foot pretty bad.  Larry and I took Garen for a ride after taking care of the burn in hopes it would calm him down.  Then we came home and laid him on the couch.  Sherry and Bret were so concerned for him and were so cute in trying to take care of him. Larry was a volunteer firefighter and one year Garen started the field on fire across the street from where we lived.  A little embarrassing for Larry. Years later after Larry had died, Garen and a friend about burned our rental home down.  I often wonder if he is still fascinated with a camp fire?
Bret's Baptism Day 

A Christmas present Trampoline
Bret and Garen Christmas late 70's

I think this was Garen's first date to a Prom

Some huge fish caught on an over night fishing trip.Bret, Garen, and Frank

Mom, Pops, Bret, Garen, and Renee

Garen raised a lamb for the fair. Joder was his name and Garen got too attached to him and cried when he had to auction Joder off

I had to post the pictures of Frankie as he was a part of our family.  Frankie was our neighbor and was at our home for every occassion.  I would place an extra plate on the table at dinner time because I knew he would be there to eat with us. He was a lot younger than Bret and Garen, but never the less he was their friend.  Frankie ended up with cancer in his Senior year of high school, and was able to beat it.  He was able to get married, but unfortunately the cancer came back and he passed away.  This was a sad time for all of us.  We loved him as one of our own. Click on the image and they will show in a larger size.

Garen's 18th Birthday Cake
Wedding Day 
Grandpa with Garen, Larry, and Cortney at a Grandpa Staley Reunion

The Garen Staley Family at our Condo

This was one of the few times we spent all together at our Condo in Elk Meadows.  We had a lot of fun playing in the snow, and playing games.  I remember splitting my sides with laughter when we were playing a game. I think Cortney said something that just hit the funny button. They are all grown up now and have kids of their own.

Sherry, Mom, Bret and Garen  Staley family reunion
I don't know why but one thing that I remember about Garen is about him protecting me.  We were riding bikes in Overton one afternoon, and all of a sudden this crazy man came running out of a trailer park and started chasing me. It really scared me and I stated pumping that bike as fast as I could.  Garen went after the man and and that made him stop and he ran back into the trailer park.  Garen was my Hero that day.

One of the hardest times in our lives is when I married Frank and we moved to Oklahoma.  We were all homesick for our home and friends in Overton.  We would go to the Wichita Wild Life Refuge park not to far from our home, and we prayed our hearts out that something would happen so that we could move back to Overton.  Long story short, Frank had the spirit tell him on a trip to Oklahoma City, that we should move back to Overton.  We hadn't unpacked all the boxes from our move, and you should have seen how fast we packed up the house and was ready to leave.

I never dreamed that my relationship with Garen and his family would fall apart, but for the past eight or nine years that is exactly what has happened.  My heart has been broken as I have missed out on so much in my grand kids lives.  Marriages, great grand kids being born and not being able to see them.  They think I don't like them, but that is so far from the truth.  The truth is that I do not want to cause problems within their family, and that I love them very much.  Just wish there was a redo button to push.  Garen, you will probably never see this, but I want to wish you a very Happy 50th Birthday. You and Natalie have raised a wonderful bunch of kids.  I will love you forever........MOM

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Sleep Study

Thanks to a very good friend who saw a post of mine on facebook about my exhaustion.  She got in touch with me and told me she was claustrophobic too, but since she had an open heart surgery the doctor told her she needed to have the sleep study done as it was important to her heart health.  So any way she did go through the sleep study and now uses a CPAP and she told me how much better she feels now.  She brought over her mask to show me how it just went over the nostrils.  So I decided right then and there that I would schedule an appointment with my doctor who had done my sleep study several years ago.

I had to wait several weeks to get in, and had the breast cancer scare just before the appointment.  So my nerves were in hyper mode.  I spent last Thursday and Friday night at the sleep clinic.  The first night was awful, probably the most sleepless night I have had in a long time.  I worried about having to do the study over again.  So did the Tech who took care of me that night.  She came in one time and said "Donna what can I do to help you sleep?"  I told her to go and get a baseball bat.  She said "Sorry I don't have one handy."  I had left my pillow at the clinic and so the next day I stopped by and was glad I had as the lab guy was there and heard me.  He came out of his office and had me come into his room to view the results.  I had one area that he was able to get enough data to meet Medicare standards.

The second night was much better as I came prepared to sleep.  I came with a bag of goodies, lavender oil, Advil Sleeping aide, and I had the Tech bring in a noisy fan.  I had told her the room was too hot for me the night before, so she put me in the coolest room they had.  She had me try several masks and I picked out the one that my friend has.  I ended up sleeping through the whole night with the mask on.  I did really feel different that morning, more alert and rested.  Even though I went back to the hotel that Frank and I were staying in and crawled back in bed with him as it was still early morning.  I went to sleep for a few more hours, happy that the sleep study was over.

So now I am waiting for my CPAP machine and mask.  One company had already made arrangements to come to my home on Monday, but after checking my insurance, she called and told me that maybe I should check another company to see if they were a Medicare provider.  So now I am in the waiting game again.  I hope to hear from them on Monday.  I really want to get started with the machine and see if it will make a big difference in my fatigue.  The funny thing is that I called my insurance and lady I talked to said that it was going to be 15% in or out of network.  So I am thinking I should have just kept my Monday appointment with the first company.  So goes life......the waiting game goes on.

UPDATE - May 22
Unfortunately, the CPAP didn't work our for me.  I ended up having an allergic reaction to it.  I was up to six hours a night and was just feeling like I was more energetic when the sneezing and running nose started.  When I say runny nose, I mean a nose that was running like a water hose.  My nose got so sore, I couldn't touch it.  I tried several times using the CPAP trying remedies that I found on the Internet, and from my doctor. Nothing worked!!! The last time lasted longer than usual.  I was told by several people that maybe I have an allergy to latex.  Who knows what the cause is, I just know I can't do it again.  I do know others have had the same problem.  So any way my CPAP was picked up today by Lincare.  Good by to allergies caused by it, and hello to exhaustion.....Can't win for losing.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Results are In

Image-Guided Biopsy
I had my biopsy on Monday January 27.  I was a nervous wreck from the day I was told I needed a biopsy until I finally got the results.  Anyway it was quite an experience, and I was glad the doctor had given me a brochure with a picture of the table I would be laying on and also explaining the procedure.  My friend had also gone through this and she told me it was more uncomfortable than anything.

My doctor had found another area of concern so I was going to have two areas biopsied.  I have never had my boob pinched and poked, so much in my life.  Once they put some numbing medicine in the area of the biopsy, the biopsy wasn't so bad.  I could feel the pressure and the poke of the needle, and it was not too painful.  It was just the idea of what they were doing that got to my nerves.

The first biopsy went fast, and I would have been done in 45 minutes, but then the probing and squishing of the boob began again.  The area of concern was in a very difficult area and they had a hard time positioning the breast in order to get a good x-ray.  Finally, after another hour of this, they decided it was a barnacle.  So I was on that table for two hours.  The table is hard, and they have you move up and down until they get you in the right position.  I had to have my head turned to the right the whole time, so I ended up with a stiff neck and shoulder.  The x-ray tech felt bad for me and before they did a regular mammogram, she actually massaged my neck for a few minutes.  I was grateful for this little moment of relief.  Also I was relieved that they didn't have to biopsy another area.

My cousin Penny, had come to the hospital and was waiting with Frank in the waiting room.  I was glad he had company, as he wasn't expecting me to be that long, and I think he would have started worrying.  I had the tech go out an tell Frank there was going to be another procedure done and would be longer. I was shaking, and pale when I went into the waiting room.  I needed to eat and the experience was nerve wracking.

Frank treated Penny and I to a nice Red Lobster dinner afterwards, and then we headed home as I was exhausted and just wanted to go home and rest.  Then the wait began, I was told that as soon as the doctor had the results, they would call me with them.  Also the x-ray tech said my doctor should have the results by Thursday.  So when Friday came and no results, I was a basket case, and decided that I wouldn't get them until Monday at my appointment with the doctor.  

We went to Vegas on Friday afternoon so I could get my nails done, and on Saturday Sherry and I went to a Green Valley High School play, Mary Poppins.  My great granddaughter was in a little part of it with a bunch of other kids so that is why we went, but I have to admit it was a wonderful experience.  The play was awesome and I couldn't believe all the stage props they had.  Mary Poppins flew across the stage, up the chimney, etc.  It was really long though, about two hours with an intermission, but it did keep my mind off from things.

After we got back to Sherry's condo, we decided we had to eat.  I had turned on my phone, but hadn't checked it as we were talking and congratulating the players outside the auditorium.  So while we were eating, I checked my phone and my doctor had called twice and left me a voice mail that there was NO CANCER!!!! but to call him back on his cell

I was so impressed with the fact that my doctor was calling me on a Saturday, and then giving me his cell number to call him back.  How many doctors would have just had me wait until my appointment on Monday?  I felt the weight lift off from me and finally, I could take that deep breath and  breathe again. I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I woke up Sunday Morning at 10:00 AM.  Needless to say Frank & I didn't go to church.  He was exhausted as much as me, so we stayed home and rested. 

When I went to St. George to see my doctor for the lab results, he went over everything that was in the report.  I have what is called Calcification which is pepper looking flakes that show up in the mammogram.  There are different kinds, and the pepper flake looking kind is bad as it means there is or are cancer cells forming in the breast.  I will have to go back in six months and have another mammogram on the left breast.  So  all I can do is hope and pray that everything will be okay then.  I feel like someone was watching over me, as everything just seemed to fall into place and I was taken care of a lot faster than most. So I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessing of not having cancer.  I am grateful for family and friends that were praying for me.