Memories

I received an e-mail from my brother Allen, and a flood of memories came back.  Some good, some bad.  My brothers, sister, and I had a tough life growing up in the Ed Luker family.  Our parents were alcoholics and our Dad had a very hot headed temperament with a heavy hand in beatings of my Mother, me and my siblings.  He did mellow out in his later years and quit drinking, but with our Mother it was a different story she died a horrible death of cirrhosis of the liver.  I didn't have much to do with my Mom and Dad once I was married and moved 400 miles away from them.  I really didn't want my children to be around that kind of environment. 

I took my kids to visit once in a while, and my kids did get to know their grand parents and have a few good memories of them.  I was the oldest child and was more like a mother figure to my little brothers.  In fact they cried when I got married and left home.  They were left to fend for themselves and survive any way they could.  My brother Allen and I are the only kids out of the family that didn't become alcoholics.  Thank Heavens for our religious beliefs.  Below is the e-mail that Allen sent that sparked these memories.

On 9/18/2010 8:17 PM,


From Allen Luker:

I awoke this morning to a newscast playing some Jimi Hendricks music and then a mention that this was the 40th Anniversary of his death. On this same day my mother died I was 15, I will spare you the details of her last night on this earth , but I remember it well. My sister Donna would have been about Miranda's Age. I went to school that morning and into Driver's Ed first period. Within a few minutes I was excused from class and told go to the office, where Cliff Newman our next door neighbor came to get me and take me home. That night to escape from the reality I went to a Santana Concert with my friends, the next day Donna came to town and had to have a talk with me. Blanche our other next door neighbor complained to Donna about my lack of respect for my mother.

For me I was always searching for normal, in a world of chaos and going to a Santana Concert was a way to shut a miserable world back then. I just wanted to remind my kids that they do have another Grand mother. I have to think that she has worked out what ever short comings she had in her life by now. I wish you could have known her when she was having one of her good days.

By the way my sister Donna has always been where I found normal, you guys a have great Aunt.


-------- Original Message --------

Subject: Re: Today 40 years ago

Date: Sat, 18 Sep 2010

From: Donna Merritt

To: allen.luker

Well, Allen you know how to bring tears to your sisters eyes. I really don't remember the talk we had, but I hope I didn't hurt you in any way. We all have ways of escaping the dark days of our lives, and music was always your way of escape. I remember you as a very young boy sitting by the radio with your ear close to the speaker listening to music. Music is your gift from God. This I am sure of as I am sitting here writing this to you.

I had no idea that it was the 40th anniversary of Mom's death. I just went through the 43rd anniversary of Larry's death. I devoted a post on my blog to him on the 29th of August, a day I will never forget. I don't know what my escape from this tragedy was, maybe a stupid mistake of a bad marriage to Bud. I tried to run from it, by moving to Grantsville, but there was no escape for me, only time to heal, and a lot of time it took. I still shed tears when talking about some of the very tender moments of seeing his spirit, which I did share a month or so ago in Relief Society.

I too hope and pray that Mom has made peace with her past demons. For some reason she has been on my mind lately, and maybe it was because of the anniversary of her death. I think I feel her around me sometimes, and maybe it is because she wants to know if I have forgiven her, and I have. I try and remember some of the good times with her and fortunately I have a few. Well, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. Love you, Donna

Fun Day in Vegas

Rozlynn checking out Ozzie

Last Sunday we went in to Vegas to spend the night with Sherry as Frank had a doctor's appointment early Monday morning.  Renee and Rozlynn came over to her Mom's place Monday morning.  We had a lot of fun just watching Rozlynn play and I couldn't believe how fast she can crawl.  We played with her on the floor, watched her trying to catch Ozzie, Sherry's cat, and how they interacted together.  Much to my surprise Ozzie was very patient with Rozlynn.  When he had enough he would just run off. 

He crawled into his travel cage, and Rozlynn soon found him and tried to play with him in his cage.  As you can see Rozlynn is walking all around the couch and it won't be long before she will be walking.  I can't believe all the changes in between the times I get to see her.  I tried to get a picture of her cute little face as she is always puckering up and making a big O with her mouth and saying woo, woo.  She is so dang cute when she does this.  I could never catch her at the right moment with the camera.

Frank got her to do a high five with him, and as long as he didn't pick her up she interacted with him, and played with him.  May be next time she will remember him.  She has been afraid of him in the past and cries if he picks her up.  Later we all had lunch at the Cafe Rio, and of course it was yummy.  We had packed the car to go home after eating, so we headed home ready to kick back and relax.  For some reason I was exhausted.  I didn't take my sleep apnea appliance in with me, so I am thinking I didn't sleep very well. 

Well, that catches me up with the blog.  Not too much going on in our lives right now that is exciting.  Our next big outing will be a trip to Utah for a family reunion in October which we are looking forward too.

Catching up Again

Old buildings - Virgina City, NV

Main Street Virginia City, NV

View out of truck window

Old Church in background

Over the Labor Day weekend we were able to take my step-daughter Lani back to her home in Fallon, NV.  Frank and I had been wanting to get away and that was the perfect excuse to take a road trip.  Even though we didn't need an excuse. We had been wanting to revisit Virginia City an old mining town and this was a good opportunity to do that.

It was fun having Lani all to ourselves and we talked about everything which made the trip go by faster.  The trip to Fallon is on a long lonely road, but it is great as there is hardly any traffic on most of the highway.  When we got to Alamo we made sure we filled our tank with diesel and also had some snacks, as there is nothing in between Alamo and Tonopah, well except Rachel which has a small restaurant and is known for the Alien adventure stories. 

The famous Area 51 is over a mountain range behind Rachel.  After we turned onto the Extraterrestrial Highway as it is known (hwy 375), and traveled a few miles there was a metal building that had a huge silver man made Alien standing in front of the building.  It must have been 30 feet high.  I was going to take a picture of it on the way back, but we went by it so fast that I didn't have time and I didn't want to make Frank turn around.  Guess that will be a fun day trip to take sometime in the future. 

When we got to Lani's home in Fallon we took the tour of all the remodeling that she had done.  They bought a manufactured home that was in need of some tender loving care, and Lani was the person to do just that.  She is amazing as she completely remodeled the whole home.  I couldn't believe the things that she did with cabinets, counter tops, etc.  We were amazed at one chest that she had refinished as the top looked just like marble.  She is so talented.  I should have taken some pictures, but I was tired and hungry and we needed to get to our hotel and get checked in.  We met Lani and Terry at a Casino restaurant and had dinner then went back to our hotel for the night.

Much to our disappointment our hotel wasn't very nice, but we only stayed there one night and was able to get a room the following morning at the Holiday Inn Express which had a bunch of cancellations.  It was my first choice, but they were booked solid when I first tried to get a room.  What a difference, and we were much more comfortable that night.  

We were disappointed in our little trip to Virginia City, as it was packed solid with people.  It is like any mining town, and is built on a steep mountain side.  So the roads were steep and Frank didn't feel like he could walk up and down the streets where we would have had to park.  So we rode around and just looked at everything.  We had talked about taking a train ride, but decided with all the people there, we more than likely would not be able to get a ticket.  We decided that the reason it was so packed, was that the local people were staying closer to home for the Labor Day holiday, and there were a lot of things going on to attract people to Virginia City.  We noticed some old cars coming into town, and figured there was a car show about to happen. 

It was a fun trip even though we didn't get to get out of the car and explore the old town.  I really don't enjoy fighting a crowd.  So we continued on our road trip and decided to go down off the mountain into Reno taking a different route than the way we came.  So we made a full circle back to Fallon.  Sunday morning we got up early and hit the road to home.  We left a day early in order to miss traffic and it worked out great.

Dark Day Forty Three Years Ago

I would like to dedicate this post to my first husband Larry Staley.  As you can see from this old photo Larry opened the Bank of Las Vegas branch in Overton, Nevada on January 30, 1965.  Larry started his banking career as a messenger boy at age nineteen for Walker Bank in Salt Lake City, Utah. 

Larry was born in Twin Falls, Idaho and moved to Salt Lake City, Utah at age 12.  He graduated from Granite High School. We were married on September 30, 1960.

Larry started his banking career in 1957 working for the Walker Bank & Trust Company.  During the five years that he was with Walker Bank, Larry worked in every department.  Leaving Walker in 1961, he went to work for the Beehive Stake Bank in Grantsville, Utah as Branch Manager.  Larry was loved by all who worked with him and for him.

We moved to Grantsville, Utah and lived there for three years and added Bret and Garen to our family.  He applied for a job with the Bank of Las Vegas in 1963 and was hired and he worked in a Las Vegas branch until the Overton Branch was built.  We moved to Overton, Nevada where Larry managed the bank until that dark day of August 29, 1967.  A day that would forever change my life.  He was 28 and I was 26.  He accomplished a lot in those 28 years, and I feel would have advanced to even higher positions in banking.

A local man Terry Conger from Moapa robbed the bank and shot all three people working that day.  Larry and his two women Tellers, Vera Walkington, and Betty Heitman were all killed that dark, sad day. Their bodies lay in the Vault except for Vera and it looked like she had tried to run and was laying out by the teller's desks.  A husband and father of three, two mothers each with two daughters were taken from their families.  The town people were saddened and outraged that this could happen in our small, quiet community.  Never in any of their minds could something like this happen here in our valley.  Terry Conger was caught the next day, and later after a trial was given a sentence of three life sentences.  He died in prison a few years ago of cancer complications.

New G. Grandson

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Braxton Thomas Hardy

G. Grandma and Braxton

Braxton Thomas  and G.Grandma Merritt

Braxton Thomas Hardy was born on August 19, at 9.59 AM and weighed 7 lbs 15 oz.  We were sitting on pins and needles for a couple of days waiting for the event to take place and I was so happy when I received the phone call that Braxton was born.  His grandma told me that he came out with a good set of lungs as I could hear him in the background as she was talking to me on the phone. 

We were able to go over to Mesquite and see him yesterday and I was thrilled to hold him.  He seemed so small after being around Rozlynn.  Robyn, his Mom is doing really well. Braxton is so precious and can you call a boy beautiful?  Robyn didn't have to have any stitches, and was up and about her room not too long after he was born, and the next day she went home with her gift from God.  It is so different from way back when I had my babies.

Which takes me back 49 years ago today at 8 PM I had my first baby a daughter. She weighed 8 lbs 3 oz. It was so different then as they didn't give you anything but a whiff of gas with each pain.  I was in the hospital for almost a week, but I did have some complications and had to stay a little longer than usual.  Wow, 49 years ago, no wonder I am the one feeling ancient on this day and not my daughter. It doesn't seem to bother her that she is 49, but we will see when the shock of 50 hits next year.  She is beautiful and really doesn't show her age, she looks much younger.  So HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERRY!! I love you bunches and bunches.

New Great Grandson - August 19

Braxton Thomas Hardy was born this morning at 9:59 AM.  Robyn called me yesterday from the hospital and said they were going to induce labor and hopefully a baby would be born soon.  I thought that he would be born that afternoon, but it wasn't until this morning that I got the call from Lori.

Jamie went over to Mesquite to see him and took this picture with her phone and then e-mailed it to me.  He is so cute especially for a new born baby.  Robyn was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  She looked like a rosy cheeked doll. So it is no surprise that she has had a beautiful baby.

Since Braxton has a hat on his black hair is covered up.  Lori said that he had tons of black hair.  I could hear him crying and Lori said he came out that way.  So he has a good set of lungs.  I can't wait to see him, but I will wait until Robyn gets home and hopefully will get some badly needed rest, then I will go over to Mesquite next week sometime to see him.  It is so neat to have another g. grandson in the family.  Mom and baby are doing great.

I had to add this picture of Braxton as it shows all that beautiful black hair.  We could see his black hair in the Ultra Sound that Robyn had a few months ago so I was sure he would have a lot of hair when he was born..  He is so sweet, and I can't wait to hold him next week.

Dreaming & Waiting for Good News

Yesterday Frank and I went to St. George to Dr. Hall our dentist who fits us with our Sleep Apnea Appliances.  We went a little early so we could have dinner with my St. George cousins.  We all met at Olive Garden and we visited, ate good food, and most of all had some good laughs.  Frank let me stay a little longer and he headed over to the doctor's office.  When I arrived, he was getting ready to get his x-ray.  Dr. Hall came out to the waiting room to check on me and he told me that they were going to have to do something a little different with Frank's sleep appliance, and thinks it will be successful in Frank's situation.  I sure hope so.

There is never a day go by that I don't think about my son's estranged family.  I wish I could just let it go and not let it eat at me.  I had a dream last night where I went to a home and it was my son's home.  His wife was there and she was friendly and was beautiful.  I asked if we could forget the past and we agreed to let it go and be friends again.  Then as usual there were weird things going on, places I have never seen, etc. and I woke up, feeling empty inside. Maybe this dream is taking place in the next life?

This estrangement has been going on for five years now, and my grand kids have all grown up, and are busy in high school, and two are married, and I have three g.grandsons whom I have never seen except in pictures.  Life can be so cruel.  I have never fully understood what happened, except I was accused of never being there for the kids.  Which brings up the question of what is expected of a grandmother?  Am I supposed to keep a schedule of 15 grand children's activities and attend them all?  How about forgetting a birthday now and then?  Especially when I was in the middle of building a new home, and my birthday calendar had been put in storage.

Am I the one who is supposed to call all the time and check on them?  During this time I was sick, and come to find out I had Diabetes, after having pneumonia, and just being sick all the time. Did I get a phone call to see what was going on in my life, no that didn't happen. I could count the times on one hand that my son called me to just say hello, or for other occasions. Oh and I had a bad disk in my back that gave me a great deal of pain, and it was very hard to sit on bleachers at the kids games, etc. Of course there were other factors in all of this, and I will take blame for my part, but to be judged so harshly is beyond my understanding.  I would have never done this to my in-laws.  I always thought families could be more forgiving. 

I have had several dreams along the same theme as I described, and this just makes me know that I am not letting it go even as hard as I am trying.  I always wanted a happy family that did things together, laughed together, cried together, etc.  My growing up family was a very dysfunctional, alcoholic family and I was a very unhappy child through adulthood.  Then I married a wonderful man with a wonderful family that I had always dreamed of.  I loved my in-laws very much and they took the place of my parents.  This was all taken away upon the death of my first husband at the ages of 26 and 28. 

I raised my kids the best I could under the circumstances.  Having grown up in a dysfunctional family I didn't have any role models to be a good parent.  Thank heavens for my church as I was taught how to be a good mother.  I tried my best to be a good Mom, but we all make mistakes, some big and some small.  I am grateful for a son and daughter who love me and do good things for me.  I am also grateful for step children and their children who treat me as a blood relative.  I love them dearly, but there still is something missing in my life and that is the estranged family.  I am grateful for a wonderful husband who takes the pain away, and we are so compatible. 

I don't know why I wanted to blog something so personal, but it is a part of my life and that is what this blog is about.  Maybe someone who may drop by and read this, is in the same situation and has some good advice on how they have handled their situation. 

Now for the good news, my grand daughter is in the hospital with induced labor and I should have another g. grandson soon.  We are anxiously waiting for the good news. She called me this morning to let me know she was in the hospital.  She is one of my step-children's daughters and I am so grateful for her. I had to end this on a good news basis.